Canned Philosophy

[Versión en español aquí.]


I swear, there are some days in which I would love to meet the authors of the typical “texts for girls” blogs, and slap them. Hard. There are three things I cannot understand about them, and that really bother me:

First, a ridiculous amount of men (because, of course, they are always men!) have decided that their literary style will be gathering clichés about men and women, canned expressions, and passages that look like they were just taken out of Hollywood rather than real life… and then tie everything together using sentences that look deep but are actually empty (and the more they look like an oxymoron or the less they have any literal sense, the better).

Second, I don’t get why they all have to write as if they were in the middle of a terrible sentimental pain. Or the short sentences. Really short. Sometimes just adverbs and adjectives. Stupidly brief. Briefly stupid. They instill a lot… but a lot of nothing.

Lastly, and this is probably the issue that bothers me the most, I don’t understand how they have managed to make all their readers believe that they are somehow distinct to the rest of us (read: men).

I mean, that’s why they write what they write, right?

But of course, they aren’t. Or at least not in the sense their readers believe. I guess the reason is to be almost worshiped: they know what women think, but they are one of us. They can see beyond the superficiality of men, and reach the feminine sensitivity: that one with a soothing voice and a warm hug; that one which appreciates all the little details… even if it means getting lost at every corner, or at every particular word.

However, that’s not what they do. What they do is say what women want to hear, and say it like they want to hear it. And sure, we all know the saying: if the only tool you have is a hammer, everything starts to look like a nail. That’s their trick: they are giving nails to people with a hammer.

I don’t blame the women. No way. Who doesn’t want to hear what reinforces your point of view? Who doesn’t want to hear that this thing that you’ve always believed, that made you think that you were crazy and the world was spinning backwards… is actually not that weird?

I blame the authors, for having made so many women believe all that nonsense.

Because things don’t work like that. The world cannot be described through clichés and stereotypes. Not even with cool quotes or songs -and whoever knows me well knows I love both-. Certainly not with deep-sounding sentences that only sound deep, but are actually empty. And for sure, not with little pseudo-sentimentalist metaphors enclosed within the 140 characters of a tweet.

There are many lessons to learn in life. There are a lot of reflections to be made, and many topics in which we are not alone (even if we think that we are). But if I have learned anything being the reader with a screwdriver in many blogs full of nails, is that all those lessons and reflections are not hidden within a prefabricated text, nor in the pub philosophy they wave as their flag.

Honestly, it’s a shame that the authors have made so many of you believe that they are.

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